DATO CT!!

this one saje2 je.haha

comel kn siti?? she is smiling at me!

my friend calmal, milah and syarah withCT

Isnt this pic wonderful! i mean the moment..love u ct!!

A DATE WITH DATO CT NURHALIZA!!

well..the title of entry has clearly given the clue what i am gonna to tell u bout! haha...seriously,

31st March 2010 would be the most most and most memorable day for me! i have been following her since her 1st hit Jerat Percintaan! till now! i have never stopped loving, adoring, and promoting her! Dato Siti Nurhaliza! she is the only singer which i think i have all her songs downloaded in my brain! from Jerat Percintaan, Wajah kekasih, Kau Kekasihku, and now...Amarah, Tanpamu, and Ku Percaya Ada Cinta! tell me what song of her that i dont know?? kill me if i give u even one! haha...(hyperbole)...

ok, back to the main story, last nie (31st march 2010) my friend told me that Siti would be performing at Sri Pentas 2 Plaza alam centra at 8 pm..n u know what! it was 7.30 pm he told me bout that! OMG..i was like "8 pm. siti nurhaliza! yeah..the wont be even a hell for me to see her"..but...deep inside of my heart said " ko kena pegi! dekat je tu..ni la peluang ko nak tgk die live, wlaupun..cpt siap!"..i was like a charlie chaplain...got dressed and all..i told my friends to get hurried coz i would not put any consideration to leave them if they are late! haha...at 7.55...i got into my car and ask my friend to drive coz i have to change my shoes after i stepped on "TAIK KUCING" huhu...we arrived at Plaza Alam Sentral at 8.05 pm after we "redah sume lubang2 kat shah alam ni"..haha..pity my car...:(...

when we arrived at studio 2! thanx god! there was not so many people there! n u know what!! i was like 1 meter from the stage..n i felt like screaming to the director and telling him "wei bodo! ko tgk ni!! ak dpt jumpe siti live! freee!!!"...after waiting for an hour..i repeat!! an HOUR! finally the 1st singer! azharina came out to the stage and sang! i did not really give a damn on her..what i was waiting for is my Only Dato Ct!! after she finished her performance!

arghhhhhhh...i felt like fainting when i saw...Dato Ct and her sis Saidah at the backstage wearing all white!! hoho...at that moment i felt like crying..(this is not a hyperbole but this is real!!)...and then she got on to the stage n!!!! she was just a meter from me! i repeat!! A METER from me!! i the 1st thing i shouted to her is..."siti! siti cantik! i love U"...and i felt like slapping my face when she replied "owh..terime kasih" n she smiled back to me! arghhh..ok..these are a few conversations between ME and Dato CT NURHAILIZA when she was on stage :

1-"siti! siti cantik..love u" Siti said n SMILED: "owh..terima kasih"
2. "siti. lambai kat i" siti said and waved at me: "OK"
3. "siti pose plzz" siti posed and look at my camera!!
4. "siti! simply ct (referring to her new cosmetic product" and siti said and smiled n touch her face " cantik kan??"

ok..i after she performed her wonderful song n left the stage..i was thinking like "ak kene tgu die kat depan entrance..x kire! kne gak salam n amik gmbr dgn die!!" then got out from the studio and waited for her at the entrance..thougj there a few popular singers such as Jac, Adibah nor, Mawi..but do i care!!! all i wanted was my Ct!!...

after waiting her for a bout 1/2 n hour...i got back to the studio with disappointment...i did not really watch the performance on the stage..n got back to the entrance..n my hear beat like crazy when i see ct there! i was like! fuck!! finally!! ct!!!!!!!!!!!!

there was only few people with her..n i wont let her go like! n u know what..i shake hand with her 2 times!! she was in front of me! not 1 meter anymore! it was just like FACE TO FACE...n i talked to her:

1. "ct nak amik gmbr plzz" siti said:"ok2" (with few people pushed me from my back)

2. "ct senyum" siti smiled

3. "ct i beli product u nnt!" siti said. " beli tau! thank u!"

4. "siti plz..for my mom" siti stopped and smiled..

hoho..that was such a great memory for..i will never forget bout! never! i adore her since i was 8 or 9 years old...i know all the slanders, gossips and stupid junks that people have said bout her!! people call her bitch, people call her "artis kampung", people call her "perampas suami orang"..and all the bad things always go to Dato Ct! n u know what! all her fans' love to her have never faded away just because all those stupid people! and...some of u might deny the fact that she is such a wonderful role model for her fans! but GO TO HELL! she has proven by her BIG achievements! her great and wonderful plus down to earth personality! she doesnt have to show her skin to get what she has rite now! her asset last year was RM 50 millions! so...it is such a big proof rite??

ok..stop bout ct..maybe..some of u might feel that "what this stupid blogger is trying to do?? siti wont even see him lol!"..but who cares!! this MY BLOG!!

THIS IS MY BLOG!

p/s: i will upload a few pic of ct during the concert..:)

GABE BONDOC!!

REMEMBER! THIS MY BLOG....:P

haha...maybe some of u might think that i have gone crazy!! uploading boy's pics in my blog! but AS IF I CARE!! haha...who cares rite?? This is MY BLOG lol!!..hee~~ tell u what! he has such a great voice! he has charmed me with his voice! plus he has such a lovely look...his eyes are killing! darn!!!

i found him in youtube..(hee~~ not really coz actually someone told me bout him)..he has covered many songs and he also has his own songs which i think better than the cover ones! he is a pinoy n thats y he got an asian feature, to be exact Malay look! he is staying in US..gosh..i cant get enuff with his performances in utube! i feel like calling him n asking him to do a showcase in Cendana! haha...seriously he makes money through utube..he has thousands of followers n subscribers! but i wish i can say this to him "gabe, u need a nose job.." haha..

btw..i got few songs from Gabe Bondoc which i think are really2 cool and ouch!

1-I've Got a Crush on a Youtube Star
2-Love Story (Romeo version)
3-Twitter song
4-I just want you
5-The Way You look tonite

u can find those songs on Youtube..:) hope u guys enjoy! :)

I love Kina Grannis!!!

Kina Grannis
Stay Just A Little

I heard it in your voice when your love died
On a telephone connection stretching miles and miles of wire
You said it was over and then cried and cried
You were gone before I said goodbye

I don't like to think it is true
That distance came between us like a knife and cut right through
Where did we go wrong and let it all undo?
The only one I ever loved was you

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little, my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little, that's enough

It kills me as I lay awake at night
Remembering the last kiss that we shared doesn't feel right
Is it impossible for me to win this fight?
Keep you a little longer in my life

this song is so beautiful! the lyrics and the music arrangement are awesome! i dont know whether it is related to me or not..but listening to this song triggers me to think of how i hope to hold someone for a moment and tell that someone how i love "it" so much! but for this moment! what i wanna do is...kill "it".."it" has hurt me to death! argh...why cant u just stop haunting me?? i would kill u if cant maintain my pointer for this semester!

but well, i dont have the gut to that..haha..i wanna laugh as much and louder as i can!!! ahahahhahaha!!! ahahahahhah!!

btw, u cant listen to the song on youtube! killing song i shall say! :)

3rd CLASS MENTALITY CULPRITS!!

Using english is annoying?? WTF!! come on! wake up! even my late grandpa is able to communicate in english!! hello young generations! plz..get rid of that 3rd class mentality! simply label people as POYO because they are using english as a medium! what the hell are u r trying to do hah?? corrupting ur own BANGSA! ur own NEGARA! what's wrong with English ? we have been learning english as early as we were in pre-school! in fact in tertiary level we still learn english and English is the main medium for almost all subjects! i have encountered with the situation where some 3rd class mentality culprits saying that iam soooo Poyo because i have never posted my status in FB using Bahasa Melayu..hey! stupid! if i possess the stupid mentality like u, it means i have just wasted my time learning english since i was 4! and i have just drained all the knowledge just like what u r doin rite now! come on! i am not as stupid as u!

hello! i wanna see how far u can go with ur stupid mentality! but i bet u r maybe jealous because u dont have the gut to write or speak in english as i have?? haha! as someone who gonna share some knowledge about english language in future, i will pray to god for not granting such a 3rd class mentality culprit like u as my students!

iam not angry but i am just CURSING those culprits! sorry for my childish entry..but who cares!! this is my blog! haha...

-NO TITLE-

I am crawling now.
I am crying too.
But I am not showing
I am acting like a great actor..
I am expressing lies!
I am hiding the reality from the audience.
I am laughing yet I am hurt.
I should have won the award.
Award which can break me into tears.
I shiver everytime i realize how fake I am.
How the stage has ruled me out of my life.
How i feel i am just reading the scripts which are scripted for me.
God! Give me the fire to burn the scripts.
Once you grant me the FIRE I will turn the scripts into cinders!
Disgusting cinders shall i say??
I dont want to crawl like a baby anymore.
There are many more spaces for me to explore.
Not only this gloomy and solemn stage.
This is stage is just too small for me to find my real character in life.
I am alive on the stage but I am just a faking corpse in real!
Yes! I have to stop all the dramas and plays!
Let see what the real has prepared for me.
God! now bring me to the path that you have sketched for me.
Bring me out of this stage and yes!
let me be naked to show them who really I am!
My new character will be so real!
Real and off the struggle!!

Napeace Shuaa..
3 March 2010
11.55 am

p/s: this is entry is not really a poem..i dont know what should i call it as..no title for this entry..so, interpret it as the way you want it to be..i dont mind..sorry!:)

CURSE ME!

hey silly boy!!

iam ur blog! the blog that u always use just to tell ur stupid feeling! stupid life story! what on earth are u trying to do! telling people bout ur own disgusting secret?? u know what! why dont u just be urself! why not? iam tired of ur annoying life! keep on pretending! hiding urself in the stinky closet! hiding ur feeling towards who? IT? spit out the real name stupid! u know what...u r hurting urself! u r driving ur life to hell! haha...iam happy to see u crying just because of ur own fucking mistakes! u r a good actor! u can still laugh tho u see there is no chances between u n IT?? (what an ugly name)...hey wake up silly boy! u r not dreaming! u r facing with reality! u r not staging a play!

hey my blog..

what i can say is..this is the price!..i owe myself a lot..

DEAR MY BLOG...

Dear My Blog..

i wanna say sth to u..but i know u wont respond to me..but i know u will listen to me..i know u understand me more than anyone else..i know how i can trust u more than anyone else..

dear my blog..

today is a real day for me..the day that i feel the relief..the day that i feel the worries..i burst out! i cry! at the same time i am happy..i am happy because i got friends to share what i feel..but still i feel bad..

dear my Blog..

can u see me crying? cant u at least hush me..today..for the whole day..i have not uttered even a word..i am lost..i feel extremely exhausted..i cry a lot due to this extreme emotional exhaustion...i need my mom's shoulder for me to cry..but i am afraid that she wont accept my unacceptable disgusting tears...

dear my blog...

could please tell me..who really i am? plz..talk to me..i need your support..i dont know if iam being too childish..thinking to much on this stupid matter..i need IT now..

dear my Blog..

do u have the power to change what is fated for me? if u do..plz..i want my IT..only IT has the cure for my pain..

dear my Blog..

could plz help me to ask God..why he chose me to go through all this? why He is so cruel..i dont have the strength to face this...i shivered last nite..doesnt God have heart seeing me suffer like this?

dear my Blog..

u see me laughing? actually i am crying..i miss myself..

my dear Blog..

how i wish i am not myself..how i wish iam not this weak..

Warning: Dont read if u feel like puking now!

i dont know why this kind of feeling strikes me! i seriously hate this stupid feeling...to be honest iam crying while writing this entry...n i dont know what makes me crying..my heart is so badly injured! IT has just tarnished my heart..IT has left a scar which will be there forever...i hate the fact that i need IT...if i were given 2 choices whether to have someone stabbing me or to have to think bout IT, i would definitely choose to have someone stab me! and i know its just a big lie! i cant just stop thinking bout IT..thinking bout IT and dreaming to have it are just killing myself...jealousy!

yeah! but this entry sounds so childish! stupid and poyo..why should i bother bout IT? IT is nothing! IT is not my destiny! yup! IT is just a stain that i need to erase from the diary of my life journey! IT is just a rubbish that i need to throw to somewhere that i will get lost if i try to go there..i know..iam just distorting the fact which iam very sure i cant! but at least i try

The feeling that i experience now hurts me so much! it sth like..someone blades ur wrist without u realizing it...and the time u realize it..its already fucking bloody! God..plz..erase all the memories and thoughts that i have for IT...i need someone to talk to...someone that wont blame me to have such a stupid feeling...iam not good in dealing with myself...iam being too emotional today..too childish..

Ya Allah...kenapa aku yang kau pilih untuk semue ni? kenapa kau sediekn laluan hidup yang penghujungnye adalah neraka utk ak?

Acceptance!

yup! after analyzing a poem entitled " Who Can I tell" i ponder..why some people cant accept other the way they are? why we need to criticize, reject or refuse them? what is the problem when we are different from the majority? we are living in the same world! we are eating the same foods
we drink water! we are created by God! we come from the same root! Adam & Eve! appearance, sexuality, races, ability should not be the reason for us to reject others!

back to the Poem, this poem talks about being gay! how a mother is afraid or maybe paranoid on what will society say bout her family which her son is a gay! she accepts her son but she worries will society accept her son too? to me..what is the problem of being gay? gays are not dangerous! they dont eat human! they are not cannibals! they live like a normal human being! in fact, sometimes they are much more successful than those so called str8 guys!..i bet! gay guys are much more emotionally stronger than others! being gay will bring you to the harsh reality! being gay means you have to face rejections! refusal! and too many cruel reality! the most sadist thing about being gay when u need to tell the true to ur family! or maybe ur family find it by themselves! how the rejection of the family towards u will affect ur life n future!

yup! being rejected is on of the bitter and painful realities to swallow! espclly when it comes from people who are close with u...gays struggle to deal with themselves who are different from majority then they to face the reality that their family also reject them! throw them away! isolate them! see how painful they are?? from where n who should they ask for the courage? motivation and guts to face the society?? cruel society!

to me..being gay is just a matter of sexuality! gays have never intended or prayed to be GAY! in fact being gay is such a heavy burden for them to shoulder! in my personal point of view, being gay, str8 or bisex is not a big deal! u r innocent as long as u r not committing something like taboo..i mean those fucking things! sexuality is all about feeling that comes within us! just like a Str8 boy who falls in love with a girl! the same goes to a boy who in love with another boy..this is unavoidable.. this is about feeling! feeling! which u cant easily turn it off!

just want to remind u that perception can kill! seriously..rejection is a great poison! just look around us..the perception and rejection of society towards gays, ex-drugs addicts, ex-convicts and many more , leads them to rebel and get back to their dark world!

try to learn to accept people the way there are..focus to the love that we have for them! they have never changed! but we are the ones who need to change!

not Everything is llike an instant mi!!

Yup, not EvErYtHiNg is like an instant mi. not everything can be done in just 2 or 3 minutes..infact not a day i gez! just like managing this lovely fucking blog! haiz...when i 1st started composing here, i tot of pouring my thoughts, stupid feelings and daily routine everyday! i was hoping that this gonna be like a diary of NAPEACE SHUAA..haha..but...masa amat mencemburui diri ku ini..huhu! assignments! procrastination! all those damn things! i hate the fact that iam a student! bound with all those freaky things! i feel iam too draggy here! but..i dont know what to write actually! blogging is not actually me! i dont like writing! haha...but i'll try to write as much as i can...

actually, this week might be just an ordinary week for me..nothing interesting has shocked me! but iam actually happy! happy n happy..bole x nak berbangge jap? i really proud to say that i love my new haircut! haha...ish..boring nye! ak yg tulis ni pun bosan tgk entry ni..haha...seriously i have nothing to post..haha..cume best je tgk blog ni makin byk post..haha..ok bye! lg satu mcm bongok je tajuk entry ni..ape2 pun..blasah je!

I hate THIS feeling!!

Sitting alone in my bedroom at 6.00pm drives me to think bout 'it'..i hate this feeling! i hate the reality that i need 'it'! i dont wanna mention what 'it' means to me..'it' might be disastrous to my heart n my feeling! 'it' has got me into TROUBLES too many times..'it' has brought down my tears too many times..it is all about 'it'...all the things that 'it' has done to me are just like an ecstasy pill..it is such a disaster but it makes me feel happy and alive! but as an ecstasy is dangerous, 'it' is taboo.. 'it' is never meant for me..'it' will never bring me into the reality..'it' is just a "wonderful'" dream of mine..'it' will never realize how 'it' has made my life happier n exciting...

too many kind of 'its' come begging for me..but i only stick on my one n only 'it'..i know..this post might bring out a perception (as if i care)..i dont mind..i have used to listen to perceptions bout me..this post is really meant for 'it'..i know 'it' is a literate..hope that 'it' would read or at least have a glance on this post...

i feel hurt n drowned by this! but this is the price that i need to pay when i deal with taboo!

getting MARRIED??

erm..hahaha..huhu...i cant believe that one of my "kawen" friends is getting married today..she was one of my partners bile kite org maen kawen2 when during our childhood..haha..i still remember..we were in my parents' bedroom..n we were acting like we were husband n wife..n my sis acted as our child..haha..one thing that i will not forget is when i asked her " kalau orang kawen bukan kene cium ke?" haha...n she said " aah kn..ko jadi laki ko la kene cium kan"..hahaha..but..hey! we got no chances to kiss2 when my mom "serang " us! haha...thats just a memory..n iam happy to see her now..she is getting married! haha..

talking bout getting married..thanx god..my parents have never mentioned bout this..they have never asked me or my 25 year-old sis about getting married...but yup..my mom several times told me bout how my dad cant wait to spend his money for grand "kerja kawen" (wedding ceremony" ..sounds weird but thats the feeling of a father..but dont worry dad! i will never forget to ask for some amount from u later..hahaha!

but seriously, my sis is busy with her working life..she is an accountant n i can see how busy she is when she will only get back home around 8 or 8.30 pm..she seldom out for the date with her Bf..hence her bf is also involved in accounting world..so?? haha...be patient dad..

n i?? erm..i would never get married i gez..haha...kidding je..but i have never tot bout getting married b4 30..i need to establish my life n my future! i wanna enjoy my sinful life 1st..i wanna do evwy single thing that i want! i dont mind of getting married at my 40s..haha...

so, the conclusion is! congrats ella n her husband! sabau eh..jap ak n akak ak dtg...haha..:)

erm..My 1st Time blogging!

why do i come up with blog?? coz iam tired enuff of reading others'..i think i should have one now! no matter how hard (ye ke??) to manage a blog,,i have to..one thing is..this is the way for me to express what i feel..to share what i have inside! i mean my soul, my mind n my thoughts!

erm..maybe my blog might be the most boring blog that u have ever read!

its ok lol! at least i have one now! yes! iam a blogger! yebbba!! hahah...erm...i, myself feel bored writing n reading what i have just written here..haha...whatever ! at least iam a blogger now! hahahaha..mcm ss je kn..:P

ok! i got to go now! my boring n tiring journey is waiting!! i must at least take a nap...malas nye nak drive!!!! cau!!